That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
