Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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