I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
