McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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