woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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