do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Welp...herpes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
