I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
