did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
