No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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