I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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