I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
