More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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