Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
