Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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