Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
