I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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