So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found your dick twin last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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