you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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