Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
