My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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