so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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