tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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