hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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