thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
