I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
