I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
