i jhust puked up my retainher.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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