i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity