I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow