I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??