giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.