2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
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I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.