I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.