dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
