There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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