dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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