I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
wow bdsm is so cute
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