And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
