How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
