her vagine was all disorganized.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
