Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
