No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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