I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
