And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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