I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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