I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
