got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
