i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
did you just send me my own nude
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
