Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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