So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.