i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.