Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
