I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.