guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.