ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
