lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating