I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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