If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
