Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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