Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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