There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
