he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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