wrigley field is MILF paradise
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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