Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
