smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
