I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We are all done wearing pants today
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
