I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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