Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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