..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
