Dude my mom stole all your condoms
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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