I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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