So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
