New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
