none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
