He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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